


Tragician.

by xthesettingsunx



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, M/M, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 03:37:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2493017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xthesettingsunx/pseuds/xthesettingsunx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank doesn't know how he's supposed to keep going without his best friend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tragician.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh. You'll noticed this is separated into very short chapters in this just part, and that's because I wrote this on Google docs and it really is too long for me to go through and fix it, and fix all the bolding and italics. The third person is the memories, and if I felt like it I would try bolding them, but I think I'm gonna wait and see if anybody cares enough about this for me to do all the editing. Also, this is unfinished. Remaining that way for a while.

How do you say goodbye when you’ve hardly said hello?

A:N//Alright, so this story may get confusing fast, so let me explain. Frank’s POV will be in first person, and all his memories will be in third person, because I just ended up writing it like that. Sorry, it’s horrible. The memories will probably skip around ages a lot, too. Sorry guys.

why is love so disastrous?

\---

-FRANK’S P.O.V.-

(Prologue)

I had always wondered what it would be like to dream.

I had a few, fleeting memories left of when I was small, and when sleep would visit me much easier.

That seemed like an entire lifetime ago.

Dreaming seemed like an entire lifetime ago.

He seemed like an entire lifetime ago.

I always had a fascination with dreams. The dreams where l was okay. Dreaming seemed like a privilege that I would never quiet receive, as though I hadn’t earned it, as though I had no right to even consider falling asleep one day and dreaming, dreaming a distant, beautiful wish that I wish could come true. If I could dream, I wouldn’t mind what about. I would accept it, I’d even take nightmares over the empty dark that swallows me those rare times in which I do reach sleep. I did have something close to dreaming, though, and those were memories and wishes. Free, innocent wishes, as my mother had use to call them. I wished for friends, I wished for a chance with love some distant or possibly even near day, I wished for a father, I wished for..for just one friend. Anybody who would look at me as if I wasn’t a waste of space would do.

I use to have a friend like that.

And he’s what I want to dream about.

-Chapter One-

\--

Frank used his small hands to heave himself up onto the park bench, looking around, sighing boredly. Why wouldn’t the other kids play with him? Was he not fun? He could be all sorts of fun, his mom said so, so it was true, right? The seven year old sighed once more, his legs dangling above the ground as he leaned back on the uncomfortable metal bars of the bench. He envied the other children, because they looked so happy with all their friends, and he didn’t even have a friend. Frank was use to just sitting and watching, watching and being jealous. He felt movement beside him and he turned his head to the side, tilting his head when he saw an older looking boy with messy brown hair sit beside him. The older looking boy out stretched his hand immediately, a happy smile spreading across his face. “Hiya! I’m Gerard. My mom said you looked lonely. She also says Gerard is an awesome name! Do you think Gerard is an awesome name? What’s your name? Are you lonely?” He rambled, and for a moment, Frank wanted to tell him to shut up, because he asked far too many questions, but Frank just shrugged and reached forward, grabbing ahold of Gerard’s much bigger hand. Gerard jerked his hand up and down excitedly. Gerard was only hoping the cute little kid would want to be his first friend. Most people thought he was slow or had a talking problem, but he was friendly, and he was just what Frank needed. “Hi..I’m Frank. Yeah, Gerard is an awesome name.” He nodded, pulling his hand back from his slightly harsh grip. Gerard’s smile seemed to bloom again and he shifted on the bench, nodding. “Are you lonely?” He repeated, and Frank bit on his lower lip, nodding. “We can be friends!” Gerard cheered, sliding off the bench, grabbing Frank’s hand, running towards the swings.

\--

-Frank’s p.,o.v-

I looked up from my lap, replaying the memory in my head and shrugging. “They aren’t dreams. Just memories.” I muttered, my eyes darting around the bleak office, wanting to throw up just from being here. Therapy was dreadful. Absolutely dreadful.

It was all his fault I was here.

“Memories? Zoning out at random times is more like day dreaming, don’t you think? You’re dreaming about memories, Frank.” Mr. Toro sighed, rubbing his forehead. He was always trying to convince me I was dreaming. He was a liar. Mr. Toro would never be somebody I would find myself wanting to be around, he was too nice, too pushy, and his bouncy fro was always distracting me.

“I’m not dreaming, alright? Just remembering. There is quite a difference between the two.” I snapped, leaning back in the uncomfortable, stiff wooden chair, my back aching from the constant hardwood pressing against it. The office itself might be even worse than Therapy, it was so dull. The walls were an eggshell white, the four walls bare besides the painting of fall leaves that hung right above the back wall behind Mr.Toro’s desk. His desk was an ugly brown and was positioned at the back wall, just enough space left between for his much more comfortable looking chair. His desk was neat and tidy, and he usually hid himself behind the computer screen that lay in the center. Sometimes I wonder if he’s just playing games on there and ignoring me. Not that I tell him much of anything. My chair was directly in front of his desk, and the set up often reminded me of those principal offices you see in movies, and often I felt like a teenager in trouble. But here, I guess I was a teenager in trouble.

Gerard would have made this room so bright and beautiful. He would have used art.

I felt a pang of agony flood through me and I squirmed, taking a deep breath. I hated it when I allowed myself to think his name, to say it, to think about it. I hated remembering, but it was all I had left. Remembering hurt, but I feared if I tried not to think about it, if I ignored his name every time that it wandered into the back of my mind, I would forget. And forgetting sounded even more painful than remembering, because I would never really allow myself to forget, because that would be like forgetting to breath, forgetting that you needed to take a breath to keep your body going. Gerard was something I would never forget. Mr. Toro huffed and ran a hand through his mop of curls, leaning back in his chair, actually looking at me, I felt uncomfortable as he watched me, wanting to curl in on myself so his prying eyes would look else where, anywhere but me. His dark brown eyes seemed to fill with a familiar look to me now, a look of slight disappointment mixed with sympathy, and I wanted to throw anything I could get my hands on at him, because I completely hated that look, I despised it. I didn’t need his sympathy, I didn’t need anybody’s sympathy for that matter. And disappointment. I was so use to people feeling that towards me that I didn’t even have a reason to have a thought on it at the moment, I was just..tired of it. Tired of that look. I was tired of disappointment and sympathy and hate and sadness and I was just tired of everything.

“Frank, you’re never going to listen, are you?” He finally sighed, and I shrugged a bit at the question. Would I ever really listen to him? Probably not. He’s just another pointless therapist who didn’t actually care about the people he talked to, he was just there to pretend, to pretend he cared and to pretend there was somebody for a screwed up teenager like me to talk too. It was just a job to him, just a source of income to pay the bills. So, no, I guess I wouldn’t ever listen to him. There was no point in listening to him. So that’s what I answered with.

“No.”

Mr. Toro sighed heavily once more, offering me one of the fakest smiles I’ve ever seen, slumping his shoulders in a tired way. I must make him tired. I think I make everyone tired, I make them stressed because they don’t know if I’m safe by myself or if I’m ever going to be stable, I make them work harder just to take care of me, and I must make them tired. I make myself tired. He shifted around in his seat, looking uncomfortable, and I smiled faintly.

“You’re mother is waiting, so you’re free to go. I’ll see you next week.” He informed, turning away again and focusing on his computer screen, typing something in very quickly, eyes darting across the illuminated screen. His eyes seemed to chase the words he was typing, running after them as if he could catch them. I nodded slowly and stood, shuffling around on my feet before making a sort of waving motion with my hand, turning around and walking the few steps towards the white door. I hated that color. It was so bleak and boring, and I think white is only suppose to be a temporary color, temporary because somebody is supposed to come along and decorate it, color it, make it their own creation. White is just a canvas waiting for color, is what Gerard told me. He told me a lot of things, he taught me a lot of things. I grabbed ahold of the silver doorknob, the cool, smooth metal shocking my skin as I yanked the door open, ready to leave.I couldn’t wait until the day I would walk out this door for the last time, for the day I would be free.

\--

“C’mon Frank!” Gerard called from his spot up in the tree, swinging his legs from the sturdy branch he had himself propped upon, looking down at the small, nervous boy who still had his feet planted firmly on the ground. Frank shook his head, sighing softly, his hazel eyes wide with nervousness and fear. Frank was a considerably small boy, and he couldn’t even reach the first branch of the tree by himself, due to his shortness. “But..What if I fall?” He whined. Frank hated himself right now. He wanted to impress Gerard and climb that tree, and sit beside him, and be his friend. But his irrational fear of falling made him stay down on the ground. Gerard snickered a little, looking at him with amused eyes. “Are you scared? I can help you up. Besides, I’m a whole three years older than you!” Gerard grinned, jumping down from the tree skillfully. Frank wondered how many times Gerard had actually climbed this tree, and he wondered why Gerard would offer to help him. The ten year old faced Frank and reached out, grabbing Frank by his small hips, causing the younger of the two to squeal loudly, batting his hands away quickly, shaking his head. “What are you doing!?” Frank said in a high pitched voice, eyes big. Gerard wasn’t suppose to touch him like that, right? Touching other boys was bad, wasn’t it? Boys should only touch girls, is what his dad always said. Gerard frowned deeply and tilted his head, withdrawing his hands and raising an eyebrow. “Uh, well, I’m helping you, obviously. So..” He said in a slightly bored tone, reaching his hands back out, firmly grabbing Frank by the hips, “So stay still.” He grinned. Frank squirmed a bit, but it certainly didn’t feel wrong as he was told it was, it felt friendly and in no way bad, so he went with it and reached his arms up as Gerard heaved him up. Frank wrapped a small hand around the tree branch and then the other, and with the help of the ten year old under him, he was soon sitting proudly on the sturdy branch with Gerard beside him, both boys smiling happily. “I love it up here.” Frank sighed, looking around. He could see his mom on the bench across the park, on the phone, and he knew soon it would be time to go home. But he didn’t want to go home. He wanted to live in this magical tree world with Gerard the fast talking, question asking boy who was very okay with touching and helping. Gerard nodded, looking down at their dangling feet, biting his lip. Gerard didn’t know what he was suppose to do with friends, After all, most the kids at his schools thought he was stupid, but his mom always told him he was super smart. He believed his mom, because of course his mom was smarter than a couple of mean kids, right? “Hey Frank?” He asked, looking up at him, his mousy brown hair ruffled. Frank looked away from his mom and nodded, urging him to go on without words. “Can we be best friends?”. Frank hummed, surprised he asked, because Frank already thought they were best friends. “Yeah! I mean, I already thought we were best friends, so yeah. Maybe we can have a sleep over some time. And we can always hang out! Too bad you’re two grades ahead of me. “ Frank pouted. Both were quiet for a moment, before Frank’s mom shouted his name, looking around for her only son. The younger sighed. He would miss Gerard. “Try to be here tomorrow?” He asked the older, who nodded quickly, and after helping Frank down, left with his own mother.

\--

-Chapter two-

(-frank’s p.o.v-)

I sat awkwardly at the dinner table, twirling the sauce covered noodles around my fork slowly, having no interest in eating. My mom was staring at me, I could feel her eyes focused in on me, and it was rather annoying how she stared at me every dinner, as if I would fucking disappear. No matter how much I wanted to just fade away into thin air, it didn’t look like it would be happening anytime soon, so she really had to reason to worry- only, yes, I suppose she did, I’d given her that reason six months ago, hadn’t I? It was my fault she was always hovering over me, my fault she would never feel assured I could take care of myself, my fault she cried, my fault she would never be able to have a normal teengaer who did teenagery things and had a teenagery life. But I had a feeling I didn’t feel as bad as I should. “Frank, honey, please eat something. God, these vegetarian needs of yours have taken all the meat from dinner, yet you barely eat it.” Mom groaned, poking my plate with her fork. I smiled just a little and looked up at her, shrugging.

“I must convert you to my vegetarian ways, mother.” I said in the creepiest voice I could muster, which earned a soft laugh. I had always enjoyed hearing my mother laugh, because you always knew she was happy. I liked my mother best when she was happy. She sipped at her water and looked over at me, then eyed my dark hair for a moment, and she looked just long enough that I could catch the quick flash of distaste in her green eyes. I frowned, self consciously reaching up, running a hand through my hair, remembering I’d just re dyed it last night, looking away. Did it look bad or something?

“Was it really necessary to dye your hair black again, Frank? I think I very much prefer you having a natural hair color.” She muttered, shaking her head. I narrowed my eyes and sighed in annoyance. She did this every time I changed something about my appearance, always gave me the “never-change-a-thing-about-yourself” speech, because I knew she disliked having a child that was different. I knew I wasn’t good enough for her.

“Mom, black is a natural hair color, just not my natural hair color. Besides, I like my hair way better this way.” I snapped, standing up from our small, round dinner table, picking up my plate and dumping the remains into the trash before washing my plate off. She wanted everything about me to be the same and stay the same, she wanted the Frank I was when I was a kid, she wanted a fucking exact copy of my father, which I refused to be. I promised myself I would never be like him, and she knew it, but there was something in her head that just didn’t seem to function correctly, so she kept on trying to make me be him. I turned to look at her, swallowing. I loved my mother, of course I did, but sometimes I couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her, to even look at her, because god, the woman was so closed minded. She wasn’t open to anything new, anything that involved change. She said change involved pain and hard work most the time, which I wouldn’t argue with, because she was right in some senses. I was, according to her, one huge bundle of change that she could never keep up with, and I couldn’t keep a thing about myself the same for too long, which was, in fact, wrong in several ways. It seemed the only things I kept the same about myself were the things she didn’t like, things like my piercings or hair color or sexuality- oh, yeah, she hated my sexuality. Her baby boy liked other boys, he would never give her real grandchildren, it was a sin, blah blah. Maybe that’s why she didn’t seem to be too sad over my loss of Gerard, maybe that’s why she was almost grateful, which made me sick. Love was love, no matter what, no matter what gender or age or skin color or body shape or size, love was love. Who was God to define who we loved? Who was he to say who we were allowed to love, what boundaries we had to pre set for ourselves when it came to who you could choose from to spend your life with? Why did he get to decide? What was so damn special about him? Why did this God dude get to lay out our fates before we even get a chance to decide them? In my opinion, this God guy was a complete douche.

 

“No need to be smart, Frank. Don’t stay up too late, alright? I thought maybe we could go out for lunch tomorrow.” Mom said in that one sickly sweet voice she uses when she wants me to agree to something, and I cringed at the thought. Lunch could only mean one thing: she had bad news. I hated her bad news, because most the time, her bad news was that she had a new man, a new man to try and be my father. I know, it’s utterly selfish to want my mother to stay single so she can stay home and part take in my misery, but I really couldn’t help myself. I was lonely without Gerard in my life, and Gerard usually meant I had Mikey too, but it seems if you loose one Way brother, you loose the other one, too. My mom could replace that lonely feeling sometimes, and I needed her to be around for those sometimes, not giving her sometimes away to random guys who just wanted to get into her pants. My mom was outstandingly beautiful and men were all but too aware of it, and I wanted to protect her from another man like my dad. She was my mom, and my mom only. I needed her here to take care of me, not out on dates.

 

“So, don’t stay up all night like you usually do. I want you to get up before noon for once.” She called after me as I made my way down the hall to my room, locking my door behind me once I was inside. I looked around for a moment, as if I hadn’t just been here a half hour ago, and grabbed my laptop off my desk, before getting in my cocoon of pillows and blankets on my too big bed that was always just the perfect size for Gerard and I, clicking on my folder labeled ‘Gee.’. The first thing I saw was the first picture I’d ever taken of Gerard.

I was in the mood for memories tonight.

\--

Frank sat down on the grassy ground, leaning his back against the hard tree behind him, closing his eyes and sighing. Now, at the age of 13, he seemed to be a completely different person than the 7 year old that used to climb this tree with his best friend. He was still reserved, and he was still quiet around new people, but he had a new found love for life when he was with Gerard. He’d come a long way from the lonely boy he use to be, the boy he left behind in this very park the day he met Gerard. It was a bit of a shock that they’d stuck together throughout the years, because sometimes the age difference became overwhelming and awkward because Gerard would want to do more adult stuff while Frank was still just a kid and didn’t see the point in his older friend’s comics for the longest time. But, eventually the ages evened themselves out and they could really be best friends. The ages would always be sort of a problem, but they could handle it.He heard movement beside him and smiled, opening one eye and looking at the dark haired boy that sat beside him. “Dude, your hair is getting like really long.” Gerard said, reaching out and tugging on a clump of hair. Frank whined and batted his hand away, rubbing his scalp. The two had just recently dyed their hair black, same night, same bathroom, both getting grounded- but it was worth it. Frank’s mother had thrown a tantrum, and cursed the very existence of Gerard Way. Gerard had creamy porcelain skin that the black seemed to compliment while Frank was just beautifully pale, the black contrasting his skin, and hey, if they were both being honest, they found each other impossibly adorable. Gerard smirked and rolled his eyes, leaning against Frank’s side and sighing. “So..I asked Lynz out. You know, that girl in my math class? The one who was wearing that Misfits shirt at the comic book store that said hey to me?” He said after a moment, his words quiet. Frank felt immediate hatred and jealousy spark within him, and he just nodded, because he told himself that if Gerard was happy dating her, he would be happy for him. But this, of course, was a lie. How could he ever be happy if those two were an item? He was human, which meant he was selfish, that he wanted to fulfill his own wants and needs, that he wanted to make himself happy and make himself survive, because this was all in human instinct, selfishness was all apart of instinct. Frank had admitted to himself by time he was 12 that he had no sexual interest in girls, that he never even thought about them really, that they sort of grossed him out actually, but instead he was interested in boys, one boy in particular. But, not even Gerard knew this, because as much as he didn’t want to be, he was ashamed. He’d been taught his entire life that loving the same gender was wrong, so he saw himself as wrong, as a malfunction in the carefully organized system that was humanity. A flaw. Frank Iero was a flaw in society. He told himself that he wouldn’t let his stupid crush on Gerard get in the way, but of course, instinct ruled over mind. “So..did she say yes? You never even told me you liked her.” He asked, turning his head to face his friend, raising an eyebrow. He felt just a bit hurt, hurt that he never told him about Lynz, because usually they told each other everything. But in all fairness, he had yet to mention a thing about his interest in boys or Gerard himself, so he refrained from being too bothered by the situation. Gerard sighed and shook his head. “That’s the thing. I asked her out even though I don’t really like her all that much. I only asked her ‘cause this guy kept calling me gay, uh, Billie I think. Anyways, she said no. It was totally embarrassing.” He groaned, rolling over and stretching out, lying on his back in the grass. He looked like a starfish, his limbs spread out wide as he let his eyes flutter shut. Frank smiled despite himself, secretly thankful towards the girl for rejecting him. “Oh..uh, any reason for her saying no? At least you won’t be stuck with her now.” Frank reasoned, smiling crookedly. “Well, uhm..she said she liked me and stuff..then..then she said she couldn’t say yes because she saw the way you looked at me, and she saw the way I looked at you, and that she couldn’t possibly get in between that. Then she went back to her group of friends. You know Frankie, you miss a lot in my stupid excuse for a social life when you aren’t with me at school. Being 16 sucks.” Gerard rambled, his cheeks dark red with a scarlett blush, his hazel eyes now opened and focused on the clouds above them. Frank looked down at his worn out Chuck Taylors and sucked in a breath, a little confused. The way they looked at each other? What the hell was that supposed to mean? “Is she saying I look at you weirdly or something? She made me feel like a pedophile.” He added, trying to ease the tension, but that only made Frank want to cry. He took it too personally. Did that mean Gerard just saw him as some silly kid? Of course he couldn’t like him in any romantic sense, because the age difference. Of course. “Uh, I dunno.” Frank whispered, nibbling on his lower lip. He never knew anymore.

\--

-Chapter Three-

(-Frank’s p.o.v-)

I glanced up at the waitress and smiled slightly, saying a soft thank you as she set down my salad in front of me, and my mother’s soup in front of her. She smiled back and I caught the sight of her name tag, the name reading ‘Jamia.’ She was certainly pretty, but I had no interest in her, and I felt almost bad for this because I’m sure even my mother could see the flirtatious eyes she made at me, but ever since Gerard, I’d convinced myself I’d never be interested in another human being again. The waitress left and I picked at my salad, chewing on a carrot as my mom nervously chewed on her lower lip. I wondered why she seemed so hesitant. Surely this was only another guy? I cleared my throat and set my fork down, slightly annoyed. She better have a good reason for waking me up before noon on a Monday. I thanked the non existent heavens once more for being pulled out of school, the doctors saying it would ‘improve the healing process’. Whatever that meant, I didn’t know. I took courses online and, surprisingly, I was ahead of my work. My mother looked at me for a fleeting moment and sighed, slumping her shoulders in what seemed like defeat.

“Frank, I think we should move out of New Jersey before this little self destruction phase of yours gets any worse. This isn’t a good place to raise any child, anyways.” She said slowly, and I could tell by the way she said it she knew I would explode.

She wanted me to move away from Gerard?

Haha, funny.

No.

I calmly leaned back in my chair and raised an eyebrow, pushing my hardly eaten salad forward and shaking my head slowly, staring straight at her. “Move out of Jersey and away from Gerard? No. Have you gotten something not working in your head correctly? You can’t just up and move us out of nowhere when I’m almost 17. And what the the absolute fucking hell do you mean Jersey is no place to raise a child? Of course it isn’t! But it’s too late not to raise me here mom, it’s already happened. I’ve lived here my entire life, and I’m not leaving.” I snapped, my voice taking on a cold, angered edge. My mom, who had clearly been expecting this, only sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose, shutting her eyes tightly as if she could just make the situation disappear. I was well aware of the people staring at us, the two or three people from the few surrounding tables. I wanted to tell them to screw off, but my anger was too focused in at my mom to do so.

“Frank Anthony Iero Jr, Gerard Way is gone! He is gone and as sorry as I am, you cannot bring him back! He is not here, not the way you want him to be. He isn’t tying you down to this crappy city Belleville. I’m sorry I didn’t get you out of here sooner, but your doctors, therapist and I all agree it would be much healthier if we moved out the state, give you a fresh start. I know it hurts to let go honey, but you can’t keep holding onto to an empty promise. I know you promised to never leave, but it’s okay to move on! You hear me? You’ll be much happier once you move on from this. I love you, and you’re my only son. I hate to see you tearing yourself down like this. Gerard wouldn’t have wanted this, would he? What about Mikey, or Donna? You’ve been ignoring their calls for too long, Frank. They know it wasn’t your fault.” She shouted, gaining the attention of the entire restaurant. I could feel them all staring at me and my lips parted in shock, my eyes welling up in sad, angry tears. I didn’t know who I was more mad at, myself, my mom, or Gerard. I nodded slowly, swallowing the lump in my throat. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, she was right.

But I didn’t want to admit it.

So I didn’t.

My mother pursed her lips into a straight line, sighing shakily as regret clouded her dark green eyes, the eyes that were so much like mine. My hands were shaking, so many different feelings washing over me at once that it was overwhelming, that it made my heart implode on itself as I desperately looked around, wanting, no, needing a way out of this god forsaken diner, balling my hands up into fists. My head hurt, my chest hurt, and I could almost taste the horrible tension in the room, I could feel their stares, I knew the horrible things they were thinking of me. I was a freak and they knew it. They all knew I needed help, thanks to my mother. They all knew far too many personal things, all these strangers had just taken a step into my comfort zone and I wanted to shove them right back out. None of them had the right to know about me, about Gerard..about the imperfection I was. I was nothing but a glitch in the system society had worked so hard at creating, and I deserved to die. I was breathing heavily now, coughing and sputtering as I tried to fire a come back, but it just wasn’t happening. I needed to get out of here, away from their prying looks into my life. I shut my eyes tightly and tried telling myself it would be all right, and I felt a hand rubbing my back, and I heard my mom whispering weak encouragements in my ear as I tried to regain my broken composure. It had been a long time since I’d a panic attack in public, and I only knew one way to calm myself down, but I didn’t want to do it, I didn’t want to remember right now, I didn’t want to hear his voice or hear his soft singing, but it flooded my imagination anyways, his delicate voice flooding falsely through my ear drums. “Late dawns and early sunsets..”

\--

Frank stared at the boy in front of him in disbelief, his eyes wide as he shook his head slowly. “W-What do you freaking mean, your grandma is dead? S-She..oh my god, is Gee okay? Where’s Gee?!” He immediately panicked, his voice rising an octave as he frantically tried to shove his way past Mikey, the youngest Way brother, shaking his head. Elena's death didn’t exactly affect him personally, but he knew quite clearly she meant the world to Gerard and that he would have taken a bullet for her any day. He knew that he trusted her more than he’d ever trusted anybody, and that she meant the world to him. It was safe to say he was worried as hell about how Gerard was taking it, and pissed Mikey wouldn’t let him down to the basement so he could comfort his best friend. Mikey’s eyes were bloodshot and he looked worn out, as if he would collapse from exhaustion any second now as he grabbed ahold of Frank’s wrist, using his free hand to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose. He was pale and looked liked he had been crying, and both boys flinched when they heard a wail from down stairs, causing Frank to struggle to get to the older boy again. “Frank! Stop!” Mikey whisper shouted, and he did, glaring at Mikey. “W-We found out late last night, t-the hospital called and it was Gerard who picked up..he just froze, didn’t move for an hour. Ever since one in the morning he’s been screaming and crying, he’s destroyed his room completely. I barely had time to cry myself because I was taking care of him. Look, if you’re gonna go in there, you need to be prepared. Don’t go in there if you know you might leave if he gets to be too much to handle. He needs you, Frank. He kept calling your name last night, I don’t think he’ll talk to anybody else..” He trailed off and Frank tried not to let the fact he’d been calling just for him make him feel warm inside as Mikey continued, “Hey, do you think you can skip school today? I’ll get your homework for you, yeah? It’s Friday anyways, so you should probably stay over for Gerard. And, uh, it was really hard to keep him away from beer, and even harder to keep him from hurting himself..you gotta watch him, Frank.” He said in a firm voice, and leaned back a bit, rubbing his face. Frank nodded slowly, pulling Mikey in for a tight hug. He cared about the younger Way just as much as the older, and considering Mikey was in his grade level, they saw each other a whole lot more. “Mikes, I’m gonna take care of him no matter what, you know that. I’ll keep him safe. And no, you won’t get my homework, because you’re going to sleep, you can hardly stand. I’ll be with Gee if you need me.” He whispered in his ear, patting his back before pulling away and taking a deep breath. To see Gerard at his worst was to see a shell of boy, a living, breathing monster that fed of sadness and alcohol. To see Gerard at his worst would break Frank’s heart like it always did, but he was sure he’d never seen him this bad. He slowly walked down the steps to the basement and twisted the door knob, walking in slowly and shutting the door behind him again, his eyes going wide as he took in the destruction set before him. Gerard had always had a messy room, but this was insane, even for him. It looke as if a tornado had flown through the room and ripped it to shreds.. The drawers to his dresser had been ripped out and dumped onto the floor, every article of clothing he owned strewn across the floor. Almost every single poster he owned had been ripped off the walls and torn into pieces, his desk flipped over, his sketchbooks and art supplies flung carelessly into the far corner of the room. The mirror that once rested above his dresser was shattered, but it looked as if the shards had already been cleaned up, leaving a mirror with half the glass fallen out of it, cracks decorating the remains. He swallowed thickly, his hazel eyes slowly landing on the bed, a lump hidden by a black duvet, shaking and crying. Frank felt his heart break slowly at first, then all at once as Gerard peeked his head out of the covers timidly. “F-Frank? Is that you?” He asked in a hoarse voice, and Frank sighed softly. He could tell this would be a long day, and he didn't even want to think about how his mom would react to him skipping school, but the way Gerard looked at him in that moment was enough to convince him to stay as long as he wanted, even if that was a million years. “Yeah Gee, it’s me. I’m here.” He whispered, slowly shuffling towards the bed a bit warily. Gerard moved over a bit, an unspoken invatation to lay down in the bed with him. Frank tried to smile at the gesture, because Gerard had always been one to cuddle, and it reminded him of the happy, smiling Gerard he’d grown to love. Of course, he loved all the bad sides of Gerard in some way too, because that’s what love is about, loving everything and all their sides, no matter how ugly or horrible. You try to help improve those bad qaulities, because you care about them, and you want to see them get better. He kicked off his worn out converse and crawled into the mess of blankets, and almost right away a pair of hands were grabbing his waist, dragging him closer as he mufffed his whimpers in his pillow. “F-Frank, she can’t l-leave me like that! She knew I needed her!” He cried, and Frank became overly aware of how much of a horrible person he was to come to comfort for, because he really had no idea how to comfort. So, he wrapped his small arms around the older boy and pulled him close, murmuring sweet nothings in his ear. Eventually, Gerard did calm down, his breath evening out as he fell asleep. Frank slipped out of his arms for a moment, stretching his arms and walking up to the kitchen to grab a drink. He felt weary and over all sort of numb, and stayed upstairs for around twenty minutes. He needed a break from Gerard’s depressing room for a moment to clear his mind, needed to think of how he could comfort his best friend correctly.

This would be a long day.

\--

-Chapter four-

(-Frank’s P.O.V-)

“Mikey called again.” My mother said, making me stop in the doorway to my room, my back facing her. The cold soda in my hand nearly slipped out of my grasp as I sucked in a breath, shutting my eyes tight and swallowing the lump in my throat. Her voice was empty and monotone, the same way it’s been since we left that diner two days ago. I’ve barely left my room, I didn’t want to face the world, not now that a small percent of that world knew things about me; knew that I was a flaw. I’ve learned that the world doesn’t like flaws.

“Tell him I’m not ready.” I finally muttered, and after hearing her aggravated sigh I slammed my door shut with a force, an unvocalized way of telling her to stay out, that I didn’t want her pity, I didn’t want anything.

I’d become painfully aware of my own existence the past few days as I laid in my bed, staring at the dull white ceiling in front of me, willing any emotion to seep its way out of my body. There was something in the way that I processed feelings that made them all over bearing, and I rather not feel at all than feel mind numbingly depressed. I was too aware of everything, too aware of that fact that I wanted to put a bullet through my head and decorate my walls with a crimson color that not even Gerard’s paints could match. I didn’t want to live when life was so dull, because when I thought about it, humans were selfish creatures. We hurt the things we loved in order to please ourselves, to reach some fucked up form of happiness in the world we’ve built for ourselves. I was only human. I was selfish, I wanted to be happy, I wanted Gerard, I wanted Mikey to not bother, I wanted a mom who really loved me no matter what, but isn’t that what humans do? We crave what we can’t have, we all desire something more than we’re given for the sheer fact that we are never satisfied with anything life offers, we are mindless and greedy. I was greedy and I wanted what I couldn’t have, and why? Because I was human.

 

I sighed heavily and set my soda down on my dresser, no longer wanting it as I sunk back down onto my bed, tears welling up in my eyes. Crying was something I did far too often, and I hated it. I hated the aggravating pain the swelled just behind my eyes and the soreness my body felt afterwards and the headache it brought on, oh I hated it, but I’ve become so accustomed that I’ve found I’m in love with crying. Crying wears me down, makes me tired, gets me worked up, makes me want to die but it makes me feel better all at once. I was content with crying into the late hours of the night and punching the wall until my hands bled, until my vision was so blurry I couldn’t tell where I was, until I passed out on my bedroom floor, all because for a few fleeting moments once I’ve woken, I feel alright. And oh, I’d kill for those moments if crying stopped giving them to me. Then again, maybe I’m so head over heels for crying because I know every time I cry, I’m going to fall asleep. I never wanted to wake up, I wanted to fall asleep one day and never wake up, to never have to open my eyes again and drag myself through a day I don’t want to live through. I want to fall asleep and get lost in the darkness, so lost that I can’t find my way out.

But I always wake up.

\--

My eyes fluttered open slowly and I groaned out in disappointment, reaching up and rubbing my eyes with both my hands as I sat up, my head spinning. I was on the floor and I could feel the crusty remains of dried blood on my knuckles as I rubbed my small fists against my eyes, and I couldn’t help but let a smile ghost my chapped lips for a moment. My eyes flickered around the room to assess the damage and I slowly stood, stretching out my arms my eyes lingered on the red tinted spot on the wall just next to my dresser. I shrugged it off, feeling my hands burn in agony as I ran them through my hair, yawning. I guess last night had been a bad one.

“Frank?” I heard a sad, defeated voice whisper, and my eyes shot to the doorway of my room, guilt eating at my insides. My mothers face was tired and pale, purple bags hanging under her dull eyes that were rimmed in red, fresh tear streaks running down her sunken cheeks. My mother looked as broken as I felt, and I hated it with everything I had in me. I watched her carefully as she moved into the room, looking around, her eyes lingering on the blood stained piece of wall, her eyes welling up with such an intense look of pain that my heart wanted to implode on itself. She took a seat on the edge of my bed, her breathing shaky as she patted the spot next to her. “Let’s talk.” She said, her voice weighed down with a thousand tears. I swallowed, looking down at my hands and cringing in horror and disgust at how swollen they were, at the dark purple and black bruises decorating my pale skin, standing out as if they were beautiful. And in a sick way, my mind did register them as beautiful. Beautiful because I had done this to myself, made my skin break and disfigure so disgustingly.

“Mom..” I murmured, slowly sitting beside her, resting my head on her shoulder and sighing heavily. How could I of been so utterly selfish? I hated myself, I hated everything that had to do with me existing, even my own mother. But I loved her too, which is why this was all so hard. She might just be the reason I’m clinging to a life that isn’t worth living. “I’m s-sorry. I’m s-so sorry t-t-that I can’t get better.” I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut as tight as I could, breathing heavily. I wasn’t going to cry, no, but I would feel the pain behind my eyes and the aching of my throat as if I were. There just weren’t any tears left to shed, and I think even my mother knew this as we sat, her rubbing my knee, my head on her shoulder as we just took in the others presence.

“I want you to get better.” She said finally, her voice a little hesitant as she shifted her body to face me, rubbing her forehead. She looked older right now than she ever has, I realized. She looked as if father time himself had treated her with a visit and added on a few extra years, and I felt sadness surge through me. My mom shouldn’t be letting me stress her out to the point where she was aging faster..but I was selfish, right? “But, I can’t make you get better. Nobody but yourself can do that, dear. You need to be able to be confident enough to make yourself happy, not always rely on others to provide happiness. I want you to get better, but you can’t do it unless you try. And I don’t think you’re trying.” She said, her voice strong and clear, meaning she meant it, and her words hit me hard, because I realized, with a flinch, I wasn’t trying. At all.

\--

Frank sat at the dining table, tears in his eyes as he half heartedly blew out his birthday candles, watching the delicate flame flicker before diming out entirely. His stomach churned and he didn’t want to eat the cake, but his mother had worked hard on it, so he felt guilty to not to, so he cut himself a rather small piece from the Frankenstein cake and sniffled, using his fork to poke at the vannilla bread. His mother sat beside him and rubbed his back soothingly, looking over at the fourteen candles stuck in the cake, wishing her son was enjoying his birthday, not sulking and close to tears. The door bell ringed, signifying more trick or treaters, but neither made a move to get it as Frank took a deep breath. “He isn’t coming, is he?” He whispered, looking up at his mother with big, sad eyes, before looking at the clock on the wall behind her, laughing bitterly. “He’s four hours late. It’s offcial mom, Gerard Way ditched me.” He croaked, and she shook her head and pulled her only son closer to her, wrapping her skinny arms around his shoulders and sighing once more. This only added to the reasons not to like the older boy, and she faintly hoped he would leave her son alone for good this time instead of toying with his delicate feelings. He was, after all, a sensitive kid, and she was positive Gerard only took advantage of it. She greatly favored Mikey over the older Way brother, but she tried hard to keep her opinions to herself. “Oh, honey..” She sighed when Frank exploded with a muffled sob, his small body shaking. “H-He promised me Ma! Does t-that m-mean nothing? He promised me he would show up..he’s been ditching me for weeks..all for his older friends..I feel like a waste, Mom..I’m a waste. I have no fucking friends! Even Mikey didn’t come!” He shrieked, tearing himself away from his mothers arms and stomping into the living room. The door bell went off again and he sighed in aggrivation, clenching his fists. It went off again, and again, and he groaned. “Oh my god, what the hell? Stop ringing my door bell!” Frank screamed as he approached the door, his mother standing in the entrance to the living room, rubbing her forehead tiredly. “Frank, don’t scare some innocent kid.” She muttered as he swung the door open, ready to tell whoever it was at his door to screw off, his words burning and turning to ashes as his eyes locked with Gerard’s. He flinched and stepped back, looking down quickly. He felt a sudden wave of sadness crash down over his anger, thus drowning it as he went to quickly slam his door shut, not wanting to see the older Way brother. Gerard was too quick, though, and caught the door with his hand, prying it back open and grabbing ahold of Frank’s wrist. “Frank..” He breathed, and Frank could smell the coffee and maybe even a tint of alcohol coming off of his breath. He cringed and tried to pull away, though he failed miserbly, and ended up being dragged outside, on his porch. “I’m sorry.” Was the first thing that Gerard said, and Frank laughed sadly, pushing his fading hair out of his eyes, tears welling up again. “I wish I believed you. What’s the excuse this time, Gerard?” He sneered, raising an eyebrow and crossing his arms, despite the broken look on his face. Gerard looked taken back and swallowed, running a hand through his greasy black locks, looking at anything and everything besides Frank. “Well, I don’t have one. Not really.” He sighed. Frank laughed bitterly and tilted his head back, nodding his head. “Well, I must say. I’m surprised you aren’t even trying to make excuses. Let me take you through every single shit thing you’ve done to me lately, yeah? I’ll be nice and only say the things from this week too! Alright then..on Monday you said you’d walk me to school, but you never showed. Tuesday we were supposed to ditch together but only I did, resulting in me getting grounded for two days. On those two days you said you’d sneak over and play video games with me. You didn’t. Friday you were gonna come with me to get my lip pierced. You never showed. Not fucking once did you show up, Gerard. Not once. Stay away from me, I don’t..just..stay away.” He whispered, voice cracking. Gerard nodded slowly, looking down at his feet. But, he knew that he couldn’t stay away from Frank, no, he would end up stalking him like some creep in the end, probably. “You wanna know what I wished for?” Frank suddenly blurted, looking at Gerard, referring to his candle wish. Gerard shrugged. “I wished for my best friend back.” He said softly, turning and walking back into the house.

\--

-Chapter five-

(-Frank’s p.o.v-)

The venue seemed so much bigger now.

Thinking back, I really didn’t remember much about this place. I hadn’t even payed attention to it when I first came here, I didn’t think I would need to memorize it. It wasn’t important to me then. Just another place in the world to go to with my best friend. Just some place to go to for fun. But not a place to remember.

The problem with that, though, is that it is a place to remember. I just didn’t see it before. This was where I went to my first concert. This is where Gerard brought me. Our first concert together.

The memory itself is a bit hazy in all honesty, I haven’t even thought back to that night in years. Not since a few months after it happened. It didn’t seem as important after it had happened, just a memory to store away and laugh about in twenty years when we were old and damaged. But I loved that night, I know I did. The way it felt like I was apart of something bigger, like the crowd needed me to function orderly, we all needed each other to work. It was like we were one big body working together.

But oh, Gerard. He was so happy.

My favorite part about that night wasn’t the music, not my first beer, not getting to stay out all night with Gerard, but Gerard himself. He was jumping with the crowd like he’d been doing it all his life, he was screaming along and happy, and every time he looked over at me by his side he just grinned like he was so fucking grateful I was there with him. He even held my hand through the first few songs, jumping and protecting me from the violent crowd behind us.

It felt like love.

I don’t know why I decided to come here, I really don’t. It was..a last minute decision in a last minute thought about a last minute concert. I didn’t even like the band in all honesty, I hadn’t heard more than two songs from them. I just wanted to feel close to Gerard again. Maybe if I could go in there, I could pretend he’s right next to me, like he’s jumping with me, screaming over the sea of people to me about the most random things he noticed on stage, like maybe the color. That was his inner artist peeking out, I always thought, the way he could never just see a place, he experienced it on a different level, he noticed everything and everyone, the colors and the shapes and the textures. He loved pointing it all out to me too.

He looked at the world in such a lovely way.

I never could see all the beauty he could in things. He could find something beautiful in the most horrible, ugly things, he always tried looking at the positive. He told me there was no use focusing on the bad because bad things are just bad things, we can’t change them or control them, we just need to learn to get over them in the end. Sometimes I wonder if he just wasn’t grooming me, preparing me for life.

Rubbing my thumb over the soft paper of the ticket, I took a deep breath and stepped forward to the man collecting the tickets. I reached out to him, letting him take the ticket and smiling faintly at him. He didn’t seem to notice. Walking into the place, I couldn’t help but feel the energy here, how pumped the crowd already seemed to be by now. People were shoving me from behind, pushing me forward into the sea of people awaiting the music to course through them, to lead them.

Maybe this wasn’t such a bad idea afterall.

\--

Frank looked down at the two tickets in his hands, lips parting in a little squeal as he flung himself at Gerard, hugging his larger frame tightly. Tickets to see The Bouncing Souls, the concert he’d been wanting to go to for months now..the one his mom said she couldn’t afford to take him to. He looked up at Gerard with red tinted cheeks, opening his mouth to say thank you before he remembered. Gerard wasn’t his friend. They hadn’t been friends for a few months now.

Since Frank’s birthday.

His smile faltered, his skinny arms slowly pulling away from their grip on Gerard. Was he teasing Frank? Rubbing in the fact he couldn’t go to the concert, but he could? He wasn’t too sure he wanted to know. “Good for you, Gerard.” He mumbled, handing the tickets back and rubbing his neck. Gerard shook his head, making little hand motions as he spoke, voice excited. “No, Frank, listen! These are for us! We’re gonna go together. They’re sort of a...please forgive me already gift.” He mumbled the last part, eyes hopeful. Gerard hadn’t been doing so well without Frank around, he hadn’t realized how much he really relied on the younger boy. Frank chewed on his lower lip, tilting his head and letting out a slow breath, nodding a bit. Of course, he missed Gerard, and he had wanted to talk things out, really, but he had no idea how he would start that conversation, let alone walk up to him and hope Gerard wouldn’t laugh in his face and turn him away. “I’ll go with you..” He said after a moment, offering a wary smile and reaching out to grab one of the tickets. Gerard let out a little squeak, eyes big, grinning happily. “You’re serious?” He exclaimed, grabbing Frank in a bone crushing hug and squeaking again. “Awesome! Dude, this is gonna be great.” He nodded. Frank laughed a little, he missed seeing Gerard get excited, and hugged back. “Yeah, yeah..Gee, how in the world did you afford these? These seats are amazing..” He trailed off, pulling back to look up at him with curious eyes. Gerard reached up to rub his neck, hesitating and shrugging his shoulders in a nonchalant manner. “Well, you know..I used the money I was saving up for that class trip to New York. It doesn’t matter though, I don’t wanna go anymore..” He said, looking away. Of course he still wanted to go to New York, he’d been wanting to go on that trip since he first heard about it. Mainly because if he was there, he could interview for the art school he wanted to go to when he was older. Frank shook his head quickly, eyes big as he shoved the ticket back into Gerard’s hand. “Dude..why would you do that? You’ve been saving for months! Can you take these back? I know you want to go, Gee, don’t lie to me. Christ, I can’t believe you would do this..” He trailed off, looking up at the taller boy and chewing on his lip, waiting. Gerard shut his eyes for a moment and mumbled something, then sighed. He wanted this to be happy, not sad. He didn’t want Frank to care about that fact he spent his New York money on him. “I did it so you would forgive me, Frank..isn’t that enough? Why are you mad?” He said in a desperate voice, opening his eyes and looking at him with wide, tired eyes. Gerard was so tired, he was so tired of everything, of life. He just missed Frank. He wanted him back in his life, and if that meant giving up that stupid fucking trip, then so be it. He was okay with that. Really, he didn’t even care about going anymore. He didn’t care about much lately. Frank frowned, opening his mouth and sucking in a breath, throwing his hands up and shrugging. He couldn’t do anything about it now. “Gee, ‘M not mad. I’m stoked about this concert, actually. We’ll have fun.” He said softly, reaching out to grab ahold of Gerard’s hand gently, holding it in his own hand, and placing it over his heart. He could feel Gerard’s palm pressing against his chest through the fabric of his shirt, it almost felt like he was really touching his heart. The feeling was overwhelming. “Good.” Gerard nodded, pressing his palm down, the corners of his mouth tugging up into a smile. He liked placing his hand over Frank’s heart..he could always feel the soft thump, no matter what, and he swears he can hear the beat of his heart. Maybe it was all in is head, but it always made him feel better about things, always. Frank laughed quietly, turning when he heard his mother yelling from the front door of his house. “Frank Anthony! Who are you talking to? Get back in the house the instint, you’re gonna catch a cold!” She shouted, hands on her hips as she narrowed her eyes at the two boys talking on the driveway. “Is that you, Gerard? What are you doin’ here?” She called, stepping down the steps of the porch and walking towards them. Frank cursed under his breath and dropped Gerard’s hand quickly, stepping back and looking back at his mother with apolegetic eyes. “Sorry, Ma. We were just talking. He stopped by after school.” He explained, wrapping his arms around himself and rubbing them, shivering. She frowned, sighing and ushering Frank towards the front door and muttering to herself about how he needed to stop going out without a coat. He’d already been sick several times this month, his immune system was always the worst during the winter, not that it offered much help any other time of the year. He looked back at Gerard, mouthing a sorry and ‘Call me later.’ before his mother shut the door behind him. Turning back to the older boy, she crossed her arms, tilting her head and glaring at him almost. “I don’t know what your intentions with Frank are, Gerard Way, but if they are anything but good, stay away. I hope you’ve gotten your act together these past few months.” She said in an icy tone, turning and going back into the house. Gerard stood on the drive way with parted lips, eyes big in surprise. Everything had just happened so fast..he hadn’t even gotten to say goodbye to Frank. But he said to call him, right? That was a good sign, right? Sighing, he turned and left the drive way of the Iero household, feeling a little bit happier than before.

Maybe things would work themselves out, this time.

-

“So..you and Gerard?” Frank’s mother questioned as he sat down at the dinner table. He raised an eyebrow, picking up his spoon and shrugging. “Calm down, Ma, he just invited me to a concert. I don’t know what’s going to happen.” He said, scooping a spoonful of tomato soup into his mouth and swallowing. And in all honesty, he didn’t. A concert wouldn’t buy Frank over, he wanted to know Gerard wouldn’t ditch him again. Of course, the fact he gave up New York meant something to him, it just might not be enough. He couldn’t take letting Gerard back in then losing him all over again..so, for now, he didn’t know what they were. He’d figure it out at the concert. She scoffed a little, smiling faintly and eating a few spoonfuls of her own soup. “Yeah? Well, you know I don’t personally favor Gerard, but..you were certainly happier when he was around. I’m just worried about you, is all.” She sighed, before sitting up straighter and setting her spoon down on her napkin. “And what’s this concert you mentioned? Are you going?” She asked him, eyes full of concern. Frank was getting older, but he was still young. She was worried he’d get himself into trouble. And she didn’t exactly trust Gerard to take care of him either. Frank grinned, leaning back in his seat and nodding. “The Bouncing Souls, mom.”

And that was all he had to say.

-Chapter Six-

(-Frank’s p.o.v-)

My mom was furious.

I don’t think I’d seen her this mad in ages, not since..well, not since the incident where Gerard and I were flinging his paint at each other and got it all over her new rug in the living room, and that was a year ago. But I didn’t care that she was mad then, we’d had fun doing it, and I had won a kiss in the end.

But now, I wasn’t so sure this would all blow over.

She was fuming by time I stepped into the doorway at two in the morning, wiping at the dried blood on my nose from getting elbowed in the face at the concert, ready to go to bed. But as soon as she heard that door shut and that lock click, she was storming down the stairs, eyes red and tired. She looked like she hadn’t slept a wink.

“Frank Anthony Iero Jr!” She shouted as she charged down the stairs. I sighed softly, moving towards the living room and rubbing my nose some more. I guess I should have at least called, but it honestly hadn’t occurred to me that she would want to know where I was. Actually, I’d been gone a good six hours, and I hadn’t even told her I was leaving the house. I leaned against a wall, tilting my head back. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to her screaming at me, I wasn’t in the mood for punishment..I just wanted to go to sleep, to curl up in bed and have a good nights sleep for the first time in ages. I could feel it, tonight would be a good sleep. A long one with no interruptions if I was lucky enough.

“Yes, Ma?” I muttered, slumping my shoulders and opening my eyes to look at her, annoyed. Couldn’t this wait until morning? She narrowed her eyes, walking to stand right in front of me.

“Where in the world have you been, Frank? You’ve been gone for hours! You didn’t think to call me? Not once?” She spat, rubbing her forehead and mumbling under her breath. She looked more agitated than anything, more worried than angry.

I huffed, tilting my head forward and looking at her with tired eyes. I wanted to care about her anger. Really, I did. But now, as tired as I was, I couldn’t seem to comprehend much. So I just shrugged.

“Ma, no. No I didn’t. Sorry. All apologies.” I mumbled, rubbing my eyes and stumbling towards the stairs, yawning loudly. Mom rolled her eyes, following after me and reaching out to rub my back slowly.

“Why was your nose bleeding? Do you want anything to drink? Are you drunk? Lord, Frank, you’re all sweaty.” She began firing out questions, ushering me towards my room down the hall, past the stairs.

She was always so worried, and I hated it. I wanted her to stop caring and to stop worrying about me all the time, I wanted her to go to bed even when I didn’t come home with a smile on her aging face. She deserved at least that, didn’t she? She deserved to take a break from caring.

Oh, that’s right. She always takes breaks from caring.

“No, ‘M not drunk or anything. Went to a concert. No biggie..” I trailed off, stopping in front of the door to my room and turning to look at her. She looked a bit relieved, and slumped her shoulders. I didn't want her to follow me into my room, and she seemed to get it after a minute and nodded her head down the hall a little bit.

“Well..we can talk in the morning. I know you must be tired.” She said, and with that, she was gone in a flurry of hair rollers and a sky blue robe. Not even a ‘I love you’ tonight. She must be worn out. I rubbed my eyes some more and yawned, turning to open my door.

I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.

-Chapter Seven-

(-Frank’s p.o.v-)

Being grounded sucked. Majorly.

I sat in the center of my room, looking around at everything, at all the memories in here, at the room I grew up in. The room I had lived in my entire life. The room I was going to leave behind.

I didn’t want to move out, I didn’t want to leave the house my life had been built in, I didn’t want to leave Jersey and find an entirely new place to fit in and try to make amends with myself. I wanted to stay here, where I belonged, the place Gerard and I made so memories in. Leaving seemed like a tragedy in a sense and the idea made my heart ache. A few boxes sat on my bed, waiting for me to fill them up with my belongings, to empty out my life and tape it shut in them. I stared at them blankly, my back hunched. My room was a mess, I didn’t even know where to begin, especially if my mom didn’t have an idea of when we would be leaving. Why should I even be packing if she didn’t know when we were leaving, if at all? I didn’t really want to pack up everything just to take it all out again. I didn’t see the point in that. But apparently, my mom must have.

Sighing, I sat up some more and looked around again. I guess I could clean out my desk and pack that, I hadn’t really been writing or doing any photography for the past six months, since Gerard left. He took my muse with him. Standing, I plopped myself into the spinning chair.

I spun around a few times, smiling faintly and scooting up closer, pulling open the first drawer and taking out a stack of folders. I spread them out, humming, glancing at all the labels. Animals, winter, The park, Gerard-

Furrowing my eyebrows I grabbed the folder labeled Gerard and flipped it open, my smile dropping. Photos of Gerard were stuffed into the folders, from that little phase I went through of wanting a photo of Gerard doing anything humanly possible. Pulling a few out, I looked through them and leaned back.

Gerard hunched over his sketchbook, eyebrows furrowed, drawing something quickly.

Gerard sitting under their tree in the park.

Gerard sleeping on Frank’s floor.

Gerard laughing at something Mikey said.

Gerard holding up his cat, Miltilta,

Gerard hiding from the camera, covering his face.


End file.
